If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
