the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
