I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
