I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
