why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
