A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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