you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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