when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
