Will you blow on my dice?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
