you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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