There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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