I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
