dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
