3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
True strength comes from lack of pants
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
