I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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