I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
