R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
