that's an acceptable place to lick
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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