I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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