You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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