im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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