soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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