my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize