I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
COCAINE IS GR8
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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