I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
