You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i think im in europe. pls send help
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
