also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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