I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
