Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize