No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
