TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
