No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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