so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
