he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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