We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
