woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
