My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
