Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
