im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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