one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
