this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize