just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
