who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize