don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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