john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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