He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
