It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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