my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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