Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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