Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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