he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
