his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize