I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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