How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
