he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
