69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
