I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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