Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize