I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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