non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
