I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
