McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
