I'm laying in your front yard are you home
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
