Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize