someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize