White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
