I can text with my tongue
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
