Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
