And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
