You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
