how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We need to rekindle our bromance
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
