It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
